Q. March is inching ever closer and I would like to do more than just tread water this year .... financially speaking. I want my piece of the spring break pie! Soooo - what do spring breakers really want? (I mean, besides buckets of booze, beach blanket bingo and barely-there bikinis.) A. The way I see it, if we have to put up with the noise and inconvenience, we ought to be able to reap some of the rewards, right? To that end, I have been actively soliciting comments from past and future spring breakers via my websites for several years now and I can tell you with great confidence exactly what they want: 1. A poolside room overlooking Coca Cola Beach with no wristband requirements or occupancy limitations for $50/night (or less) 2. Seasonal employment - either as a Louie's DJ or a Girls Gone Wild crew member 3. Peace on Earth (Okay, number 3 was just wishful thinking on my part.) Seriously, I am getting some useful feedback from the youngsters on SpiBreak.com's message board and in newsletter request forms -- and since I mostly just hibernate or leave town during March, the only way I can benefit from all this knowledge is to share it. One theme that keeps repeating itself is the plight of the underager breakers. I know - we didn't invite them and don't particularly want them but there is no way to keep the teeny boppers (13-17) at bay; they seem determined to be here with the big kids. I think we can all agree that we don't want them playing with those big kids, so it might be a real good idea for us to give them their own space to hang out and spread around some of that disposable income we all know they have (think video games, sody-pops and snacks - maybe even live music and a healthy cover charge...so they can at least pretend they are "all growed up.") Other plaintive requests have included more after-hours rave-type options; some organized activities for late arrivals (April breakers); and how about a good old-fashioned dance contest or two? But the main thing these kiddos want right now is information on anything spring break-related: lodging deals, concert lineups, lodging deals, corporate promotions, and ... did I mention lodging deals? News helps start the buzz and raises the excitement level -- and that's good for business! If you have some news or a special offer you would like to share with this year's crop of breakers, I've got a big fat e-mail list and newsletter space that needs filling -- Let's talk! Q. Where you been? We haven't been seeing your columns anywhere lately... Have you run out of stuff to write about??? A. Blame it on a stupid New Year's resolution. I have quit smoking cigarettes (again!) and have discovered (again!) that there is some weird connection between writing and smoking. Seems that gray cloud floating around my head was doing more than just irritating my boyfriend and shaving years off my expected life-span -- it was actually helping me to organize my thoughts into some kind of coherent, fit-for-publication state! I have spent the past three weeks experimenting with various flavors of lollipops, gum and toothpicks in my search for some sort of viable substitute. If you are reading this, it means that I was successful (or maybe that I have given up and gone back to smoking.) Hot Rumor Of the Month - We hear that a top-secret monster sand sculpture project is being planned for SPI during the spring/summer seasons of 2003. Details are sketchy and totally unconfirmed, but this big sculpture's likely location is a certain area water park (yet to be named) and the project is likely to be directed by a shadowy island operative who sometimes goes by the name "The Magnificent Mervin"... or something like that.This huge sculpture will require the assistance of 10-20 master sand sculptors, will be treated with preservatives to last throughout the summer, and is likely to become a popular island attraction for the duration of its life cycle. More details to follow!

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