Dear Sandy,

We are planning a visit to the Island in Dec/Jan/Feb/March and want to know what the weather will be like/how to avoid spring break/where to find a cheap condo/what's new on the Island/who's gonna win the super bowl?

thanks! -via the internet 

Okay okay! Please clip and post on your refrigerator door for future reference.

WEATHER PREDICTIONS

After closely studying the moon, the tides and this morning's coffee grounds -- while making allowances for the lingering effects of El Nino -- I have come up with the following forecast: Expect a slow-moving front of RVs from the north and excellent fishing through February, with scattered youthful gaiety and rising stereo pressures increasing in March. Mid-month will see a veritable deluge of corporate sponsors and fog resulting from warming temperatures and beer showers. Early April will bring us another party front from south of the border, tapering off later in the month - which will otherwise be pretty much unremarkable except for increasing patches of elbow room. Look for blustery windsurfers from the north in May, and from there on out you can expect endless summer.

BONUS PREDICTION - ISLAND BEAUTIFICATION

As long as my nose is already in the grounds, I may as well go ahead and predict that the pro-mowers and the anti-mowers will settle their differences once and for all by challenging each other to a jousting match in the city hall parking lot. Participants will be mounted on roller blades and take swipes at each other with discarded palm fronds. Who will win? The coffee grounds are not clear on the outcome, but those of us who treasure the native flora and fauna are rooting for the anti-mowers.

AVOIDING SPRING BREAK

Short answer: Avoid March. Period.

Longer answer: If you want to come here in March and still avoid spring break, there are condo complexes that don't rent to spring breakers. You can find out who they are by calling the SPI CVB at 800-SOPADRE.

Even Longer answer: Awww, c'mon. It's not so bad. Stick around and get a front row view of how our nation's youth spends its leisure time. Listen to their music! Party with them! Hang out and remember what it was like to be young and healthy with your whole life ahead of you! It is important to keep in mind - especially during Texas week - that they are just a bunch of kids having good clean fun. (But don't look for me - I'll be in Japan that week.)

FINDING A CHEAP CONDO

This space for rent: send checks to sandy feet, box 2694

WHAT'S NEW ON THE ISLAND

Well, let's see now. Um, there are some Christmas lights up. Er, Sea Ranch is closing for a few days. Everyone had lots of fun at the recent Merry Martini party. Oh yeah! Margie is still trying to sell her car.

Actually, the two best ways to keep in touch with what's new on the Island are a. read the PI/SPI Press, and b. visit the local section of the alternative spi web-site at http://www.south-padre-island.com

SUPER BOWL '98 WINNER

It won't be Dallas - so who cares?